Patience

Dr Ahmed Adam

INTRODUCTION

Life is a series of problems, one after another. We all go through cycles of problem- peace-problem-peace … Life becomes difficult and stressful if we do not know how to solve life’s problems. Our ability to lead a harmonious life depends on our ability & skill in solving the problems and challenges of life. If we are currently living in happiness with no worry in the world, then we are virtually guaranteed that sometime in the future, sooner than we think, we will be faced with problems, both minor and major. That is a fundamental Universal Law of Life. We have to be prepared for such problems and we have to be able to deal with these problems when they do arise. Several verses in the Holy Quran make reference to the trials and tribulations of this world, indicating that the occurrence of problems is part of life. However, there areother verseswhich give solutions on how tocope with these problems that life presents to us.

HOW TO SOLVE LIFE’S PROBLEMS

Every problem can be solved by using a specific set of tools to solve that problem. For example,

(a)a mechanic uses specialized tools to repair the faulty radiator or brake pads of your car

(b)a Cardio-thoracic surgeon uses specialized tools to repair your damaged heart

(c)a plumber uses specialized tools to repair your leaking tap

It is important to note that the correct tools must be used for a specific problem. A Cardio-thoracic surgeon cannot use his highly sophisticated instruments to change brake pads. Nor can a plumber use his spanner on your heart, even though the heart is leaking. Similarly, to solve life’s problems, we need a specialized toolkit, and each tool has a name (similar to ‘drill’, ‘hammer’ spanner’ etc) . The tools that we use to solve life’s problems are called Patience, Perseverance, Persistence, Discipline and Determination. If these tools are correctly applied to the correct problem, then the challenges of life take on new meaning and we have harmony & balance in our life. If these tools are ignored, then life becomes difficult.

PATIENCE & PERSEVERENCE

There are several verses in the Holy Quran, which make reference to the value of applying the tools of patience and perseverance in order to attain success in this world and in the hereafter. For example :

S2 V153 : “ O ye who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance & prayer : for Allah is with those who patiently persevere !

S2 V45 : Seek Allah’s help with patient perseverance

S3 V 200 : O ye who believe ! Persevere in patience & constancy : vie in such perseverance : strengthen each other ; and fear Allah that ye may prosper

S11 V 115 : ….and be steadfast in patience

S7 V 128 : Said Moses to his people : “ Pray for help from Allah and (wait) in patience and constancy

The above verses of the Holy Quran are filled with hope and assurance from Allah (SWT).Allah (SWT), in His Infinite Mercy & Infinite Kindness, gives us the assurance, that He is with those that patiently persevere. What more can we ask for ? Furthermore, Allah (SWT) encourages us to continue persevering. Persevering means to strive in the face of obstacles. It means that one should not give up. It means that failure should not be regarded as the end of the world – failure is simply a stepping stone to success and a vital ingredient for success. No matter how insurmountable the obstacle and no matter how huge the problem, one should never give up hope and trust in Allah (SWT). It is this hope, combined with steadfastness and patient perseverance, that is the recipe for success and for dealing with life’s problems.

The tools of patience and perseverance are generally applicable in two main situations:

(1)Goals : to achieve any goal in life, then patience, perseverance, determination and focus are the essential& vital ingredients that are required to attain one’s goals & objectives

(2)Adversity : any difficulty, hardship, major problem or calamity becomes bearable and tolerable by using patience and perseverance and placing one’s trust and hope in Allah (SWT).

Allah (SWT) promises us that he will certainly test us while we are in this world :

S3 V 186 : Ye shall certainly be tried & tested in your possessions and in your personal selves

We do not know when we will be tested, how we will be tested, how severe the test will be or how long the test will last. We do know on what we will be tested (ie on possessions & personal selves). The problems may be minor and short-lived, or in some cases, the problems seem so huge, so difficult and so long, that we feel that we cannot bear it any longer. However, Allah (SWT), Most Gracious, Most Merciful, reminds us that even though He is testing us, and even though the problem we are faced with seems unbearable, we receive tremendous amount of hope and courage from the following verse :

S2 V 286 : “ On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear”

Allah (SWT) knows us better than we know ourselves. Allah (SWT) knows that wewill be able to bear the burden of the problems that besiege us. From our point of view, some problems seem to have no solutions and they appear so huge that we want to give up. But Allah (SWT) reminds us that in times of difficulty, we should pray to Allah(SWT) and patiently persevere. Furthermore, Allah (SWT), Most Gracious, Most Merciful, again gives us tremendous courage and hope when He says :

S94 V6 : “ Verily, with every difficulty, there is relief”

No matter how severe or long the problem is, it has to end. That is definite. This is what gives us courage. This is what inspires us to put all our trust in Allah (SWT) and to patiently persevere, for relief may be just around the corner.

INFLUENCE OF SHAYTAAN

When we are faced with problems in life, such as financial problems, marital problems, exam problems, health problems, family problems etc, then we usuallyhave a few choices in solving these problems :

(a)we can either follow the Straight Path, Pray to Allah (SWT) and patiently persevere and seek a solution to the problem that is within the guidelines of the Holy Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW)

(b)or, we can take the shortcut, and fall prey to the whims and illusions of Shaytaan

(c)or, we can ignore the problem and hope that it will go away, but this simply makes the problem worse

Furthermore, it is during our times of difficulty and weakness, that Shaytaan is most active and tries very hard to influence us to his evil ways, as stated in the following verses of the Quran :

S4 V 119 : “I will mislead them and I will create in them false desires “

S7 V 16 : “ I will lie in wait for them on Thy Straight Way”

S7 V17 : “ then I will assault them from before them and behind them, from their right and their left”

S8 V 48 : “ Remember, Satan made their (sinful) acts seem alluring to them…”

Shaytaan is also referred to as the ‘whisperer”, the “Chief Deceiver “ and the “Evil one.”When weattempt to follow the Straight Path as contained in the Holy Quran, Shaytaan will try his level best to distract our attention from the Straight Path. He will whisper tempting things, deceive us into doing wrong and give us false hopes. Unfortunately, many of us fall victim to his misguided ways as stated as follows :

S36 V60 : Did I not enjoin on you, O ye children of Adam, that ye should not worship Satan ; for that he is to you an enemy avowed ?

S36 V62 : but he did lead astray a great multitude of you. Did you not, then, understand ?

The following are some practical examples on how Shaytaan influences us in our daily lives :

The above few examples illustrate that the Straight Path is usually the steep path, but that life’s problems can be managed and controlled by using the formula that Allah (SWT) has given us, namely patiently persevere. Perseverance means to keep on striving to seek solutions : a solution will not fall from the sky into your lap – you have to keep trying. On the other hand, there are those people who are impatient – they live in the world of‘instant coffee’ and they want ‘instant solutions’. This is where the Whisperer whispers ‘shortcuts’, ‘loopholes’, ‘temptations’ and ‘quick band-aid fixes’ to problems – the Chief Deceiver is at his best, and he lures people away from the Straight Path. It is also important to remember that Shaytaan does not hold a gun to our head – he does not force us to follow his crooked way – he only tempts us ; it is then up to us to choose the illusory temptation or to choose the Straight Path. We are ultimately responsible for our actions and the path that we choose. The solution to this is to bear in mind that success in this world and in the Hereafter, comes from following the instruction :

S5 V93 : Obey Allah, and obey the Apostle.

If we can consider each of our actions according to the above formula, then Insha-Allah, we will be able to withstand the trials & tribulations of this world and this strength will come from Allah (SWT) as stated in the following Hadith :

Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 8.477, narrated by Abu Said (RA), that the Holy Prophet Mohamed (SAW) said :

“ He who remains patient, Allah will bestow patience upon him, and he who is satisfied with what he has, Allah will make him self – sufficient. And there is no gift better and vast than patience”

OPPRESSIVE GOVERNMENTS

South Africa is a living example of the power of patience and perseverance in overcoming an oppressive government. The History ofcivilization makes it abundantly clear, that all oppressive governments and people have got to come crumbling down, some sooner than later, but eventually, all oppression has got to end. Oppression does not end on its own, It only ends with the will of a group of people who are determined, focused and who patiently persevere in their actions, spurred on by the conviction that truth prevails over falsehood and that freedom is the natural birthright of mankind. All people who are currently in the grips of oppression, whether in Palestine, Kashmir, Kosovo, the highly indebted developing countries and other areas of the world, will eventually be unshackled from their current difficulty. The success formula, once again, is Patience and Perseverance as stated in the following verse :

S8 V65 : If there are twenty amoungst you, patient and persevering, they will vanquish two hundred : if a hundred, they will vanquish a thousand of the unbelievers.

The above examples illustrate the application of the tools of Patience and Perseverancewhen faced with adversity. The following two examples illustrate, how these very same tools of Patience and Perseverance, are very effectively leveraged to attain success in the attainment of a goal.

KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN (KFC)

Kentucky Fried Chicken was initiated by a retired old colonel from the army, known as Colonel Sanders. ColonelSanders was 65 years old, without work, but his mind was still active. He wanted to do something with his life and earn some money. He had no capital and no products : the only thing that he had, was a chicken recipe that was very famous and all his friends, family and neighbours used to enjoy this recipe. He decided to sell his recipe to potential restaurant owners with the following proposal : he offeredthe recipe to the restaurant for free ; if the customers enjoy the new chicken recipe, thenhe would take a small share of the profit with the restaurant owner. His idea sounded good to him, but the restaurant owners found this to be a joke. They rejected his idea. He went from one restaurant to another, daily, and each one kept telling him ‘not interested.’ However, he did not regard this as a failure : he kept on trying, he kept on knocking on doors and he kept on persevering. He received more than 1000 “no’ answers, until finally, the 1009’th restaurant agreed to a profit-share venture. The rest is history. Out of that was born the KFC multi-million $ empire with thousands of branches throughout the world (with the famous “Colonel Sanders and his white beard on the logo ). His formula for success was the same formula mentioned in the Holy Quran : Patience and Perseverance.

THOMAS EDISON

Thomas Edison was an inventor. However, when he was in Grade 1, his teachers expelled him from school and told his parents that he was too stupid and mentally retarded and that he was not suitable to receive an education. Edison grew up in his parents home and spent many hours experimenting and tinkering in the family garage. He became famous for many inventions, but his most famous is the electric lamp (the globe that we use in our homes for light). At that stage only oil lamps were being used for homes and streets. Electricity was already discovered, and Edison began his long struggle to finding a solution to invent an electric lamp. He tried numerous experiments, and his journals show that he went through 10, 000 different experiments, before he came up with the solution of inventing the worlds first electric lamp (globe). That means that he failed 9999 times, but he did not allow his failures to discourage him. He used the same success formula that is in the Holy Quran, namely, Patience and Perseverance.

The above twoexamples clearly illustrate the phenomenal power of the tools of determination, patience and persistence ie by constantly slogging away to find an honest solution to a major problem and not allowing the shortcut temptations of Shaytaan to lure us away from the Straight Path.

CONCLUSION

Allah (SWT) reminds us as follows :

S53 V39 : man can havenothing but what he strives for

S21 V37 :..man is a creature of haste

S3 V 146 : Allah loves those who are firm and steadfast

S3 V 159 : Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)

S2 V 153 : Allah is with those who patiently persevere

Our life in this world is but a short journey. We are here on probation. Each and every one of us has to undergo various trials and tribulations, various successes and failures. That is life. It is important to bear in mind that we should remember Allah (SWT) during good times and difficult times. However, the cycle of life takes on meaning only in the context of the Quran and the Sunnah. When faced with afflictions and troubles, we take advice from the Quran and the Sunnah, and we pray to Allah (SWT), place our trust in Allah (SWT) and learn the fine art of sab’r (patience) ; When sab’r enters the heart, then the mind and heart are in balance, and the body takes on a new focus, a new determination, a new will to strive and persevere on seeking solutions to the problems that face us on an individual level, community level and global level. With the tools of sab’r, persistence, perseverance, discipline and determination, life takes on new meaning and the problems that we face are taken into context with our accountability in the Hereafter. If we fail to use the tools that Allah (SWT) has given us, then surely we are lost because we will fall victim to the lures and devious ways of the Chief deceiver, Shaytaan. May Allah (SWT) gives us the Strength and courage to bear the trials of this world with patience and perseverance. May he not place on us a burden greater than we can bear. May Allah (SWT) Forgive us our shortcomings and may He be Merciful on us on the Day ofReckoning, which is sure to come, sooner than we think. May Allah (SWT) shower His choicest Blessings on the Holy Prophet Mohamed (SAW) for everything that he has done for his Ummat. The Prophet Mohamed (SAW) showed by example, that through patience and perseverance, through years of hardship and struggle, only then did he achieve victory. May we also learn from this glorious example of our Prophet (SAW) to also patiently persevere in all our endeavors and afflictions. May Allah (SWT) guide the Ummat of Rasoolullah (SAW) to the Straight Path and may He give us the strength and courage to be immune to the lures of the Whisperer .

Ameen.

Damn…don’t ya think its getting a lil rusty in here. Come on now, stop looking at me that way..I did my best alright to blog..but what the hell. Time seemed to be a damn scarcity these days. Anyways, thanks to Mr. Daniel - a Police Force Scholar, he pretty much did most of the job in this latest post. Credits to him. Here’s an extract of what his experience was in NorthLight School (where my attachment was). It basicallu summed up what i felt/learned during my three weeks stay there…so stop looking at me and read on..i mean it..stop it…Grrr..

Ref: http://eidus.sg/?cat=8

As part of my PSC Predeparture Course (PDC), I was posted to
Northlight School as a teacher-attachee for 4 days. This school is
very, very, very remarkable

The old Broaderick Sec School Building given a new lease of life, just like the kids at Northlight School

Northlight School is a school which takes in children who have
failed (badly; below 50/300 points) the PSLE, and are put through a 4
year course which emphasizes character education along with vocational
skills. From there, the top performers move on to ITE; the others use
the skills they have picked up to enter the workforce.

The school has about 680 children. These children aren’t your
everyday angels; these are (in someone else’s words) “taking the
trouble kids from every primary school in the island and putting them
into one school building”. By all standards Northlight School should be
a school full of fights, absentees, and all sorts of trouble behavior.
But it isn’t.

The school has done something very fantastic with these kids; most
of these kids have gone from school troublemakers to model students,
others have turned from perennial school absentees to enthusiastic
students who come every day (even during holidays!). Most of all it has
turned them from (otherwise termed) Youth-At-Risk to well behaved
students who in all likelihood will be good citizens in the future.

I don’t know how they’ve done it, but in my 4 days there I’ve had a
few glimpses of how it got done. All I can do is post up the pictures
I’ve taken, and caption them. Through them you’ll see how Northlight
has done its “minor miracle”, and perhaps should be an inspiration to
all schools.

First Impressions

The first sight that you notice in Northlight is how neat it is.
There isn’t any litter around, and is very brightly colored. Ms. Chua
Yen Ching, the principal, told me that “the color scheme was the most
important” and that the neatness and decor of a school was very
important.

The school is neat, clean and cheerfully coloured

Standard Facilities with a Twist: Canteen, Library

Board Games, Carom Boards and Xbox machines in the canteen for students to use

The school’s Xboxes reduce the need for the kids to go to arcades to play games, lessening one bad influenc

The library is unsurprisingly small; most students have a reading ability of a Primary 1 student or less.

Vocational Programmes

What was remarkable about Northlight was its vocational Programmes.
Similar to the ITEs, the school had full fledged facilities to train
people in retail, food preparation, and engineering

The school’s mockup of a hotel room, complete with TV, bed, and…

… cleaning trolley!

F&B: Students are attending a lesson on sauces

F&B: students learn the finer aspects of running a restaurant

F&B: Teachers come up with interesting ways to teach students.
Here, students learn how to “kiap” and serve food by practicing using
ping-pong balls in friendly competition. First one with an empty plate
wins…

Retail: Mockup of a grocery store; students are at the front attending a lesson on accounting

Mechanical Engineering class in session. Classes are generally very small, with small teacher-student ratios.

Northlight’s special features:

Northlight turns education into something more fun, with many other
programmes. Unsurprisingly, it has managed to turn previously
unethusiastic students into enthusiastic students.

Art class: the school emphasizes art in their curriculum, in the belief
that it allows students to express themselves as a form of therapy.

I find it quite amazing to grasp the fact that almost every student in Northlight can paint really well

New Media Classroom: students learn how to use AV equipment. This
picture is of the broadcasting booth of the school’s own radio station

New Media Classroom: the green wall is a “virtual wall” which is used
for shooting video; kids then learn how to do video editing using the
computers

Smartboards: innovative touchscreen that has helped students go from
“hating math” to liking math. Northlight has 22 of them, most of them
in everyday classrooms.

Computer labs: use mac!! (sorry couldn’t resist)

Black Box: fully equipped drama studio for drama lessons.

Music studio: Most music lessons emphasize the need for teamwork, so
kids play stuff like angklong orchestra, which needs everyone involved.

Lesson on blogging. Kids learn how to blog!

CCAs: Kids have CCA twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays

Fully equipped gym with treadmills, freemotion weights, etc

Recreation room: to discourage kids from going to arcades and lan
shops, the school has its own arcade and lan shop within school. After
school, it is pure havoc in there.

Recreation room 2 has its pool tables and flatscreen LCD TVs (other side of the room). !!!!

A shot of the school programme: Kids get to go for OBS, and a group is
going to Malacca. Learning journeys and non-traditional learning
activities abound

Bread Basket: free bread for students who cannot afford food. Most of
the students in Northlight come from the bottom few percent of the
income spectrum, and many come from broken families or are orphans

School Timetable: every day lasts till late in the afternoon, to keep
the kids of the streets. They are also too eager to stay in school;
most of them have unhappy homes to return to, and school represents a
refuge of fun and friends for them

The school does community service in Laos, as well as in the nearby
Dakota Crescent. To the kids, community involvement weans them off the
impression that they need to be helped; rather they are empowered as
useful citizens in society, capable of making a difference

School Assembly: students are much better behaved there than in many
other schools I have been to, although they very obviously aren’t
interested in whatever is going on

This is immensely cute: This is used to teach kids how to mop in a
zig-zag fashion from left to right. The school teaches them basic
household skills as well!

Some small things I observed:

There is an immense amount of optimism and encouragement in the
school. Nothing says it more than this notice, which was put up on the
carom board:

Sign which in one paragraph encapsulates the spirit of Northlight teachers

Moreover there is this cognizance that teachers, as much as
students, are part of the whole process of bringing these kids up. All
teachers at Northlight applied to be there, and I have never met a more
dedicated bunch of teachers who possess an unnatural patience and sense
of purpose in what they do. The job there is tough, and it is exactly
what they signed up for. A quarter of them are mid-career switchers;
the head of the F&B section used to set up restaurants, while the
guy who sat opposite me was a Forex trader.

Teachers reflections: how many other schools would put up their teachers reflections for children to read?

Encouragement from the other parts of the civil service

However, there is always this knowledge that the kids they are
dealing with have troubled backgrounds, and need to be monitored
closely.

Security cameras track different places around school to prevent fights, and other crimes

The school’s water consumption and electrical bills: kids and teachers are encouraged to make the bills go down

Encouraging messages are everywhere from canteen tables to walls, etc

Northlight is one of the most innovative schools that I have seen,
and it is so because it has had the resources to pour into its
facilities. It is a showcase of the latest education technologies, all
applied to perhaps the bottom few percent of our education system in
order to ensure that they do not left behind. It is the manifestation
of the government’s intent to ensure that the famous “xiao hai bu ben”
criticism of the education system is rebutted; in my 4 days here I have
never seen more given to these at-risk children to ensure that they are
well taken care of by the system.

The photos I have put up here don’t do justice to what the school
has done; there are many more photos which I’d like to put up, and many
more which I wasn’t able to capture on film. Moreover the larger part
of what Northlight does is character education, which can’t be put on
photograph paper. More on that next time.

At a later date I will write my thoughts on how it has made it
happen, and what have been its ingredients of change. One of these is
the school’s principal, Ms. Chua Yen Ching, who I was attached to for
the 4 days; another is the teachers and the system that they have come
up with. Though my 4 day stint has been brief, I have been able to
glimpse a very strong revolution that is taking place in schools, and
bodes very well for the future.

NDP to NSFs and NSmen has been an event that has the potential to
evoke fear, dread and lots of hokkien expletives because unlike
regulars who earn a salary from doing NDP related work, conscripted
full-time national servicemen (NSFs) and conscripted reservists (NSmen)
are IMHO inadequately compensated for their NDP labours.

How does
a typical NSF or Reservist get involved in NDP? Let me share in thy
ways that the SAF LOVES to use its conscripts for IMHO non-defence
related feel-good media extravaganzas, and why NSFs and NSmen
absolutely abhor NDPs.

5 Reasons Why NSFs and NSmen HATE National Day Parades (NDP)

1) Burning of weekends
The
term having your weekends "burned" is a uniquely Singaporean conscript
phrase that earns you both commiserations as well as sighs of relief if
you are NOT included in the elite group of conscripts being VOLUNTEERED
by the State to help out. This means you have to spend Saturdays and
Sundays mustering near the venue of the NDP to help out in the
logisitics, practising for the contingent form-up and march in or
vehicle drive-pasts etc. In short, say goodbye to family time or time
with girlfriends/wives/children/vices. One company of my reservist unit
was "volunteered" into forming a marching contigent for a past NDP.
Contrary to some vague promises of shortening their 10 year cycle, they
did the same number of high-key as the rest of us, the poor sods, even
as they burned their weekends to defend it by being part of a mediacorp
"national" show.

2) Marching Contingents
This is one of the
worst punishments to be dished out by the SAF in the name of duty,
honour and country. If you have ever served in NS as a conscript and
are not excused parade. You will learn to absolutely ABHOR the term
PARADE. Try senang-diri and sedia 20x over 3-4 hours of course with
mandatory rest breaks or else there might be complaints to the MP of
"ill-treatment" of NSFs (especially if they include white horses). Try
to hormat with rifle and get subject to inspection of your hair,
turnout and bearing in uniform. Just thinking about it makes me sweat…

3) Doing fatigue
Fatigue
is the SAF term for all sorts of shitty logistical crap such as packing
of goodie bags, setting up the stands, carrying stuff from point A to
point B, providing rations for the chosen ones who are in the marching
contingents etc… In short, all the bo-liao, rubbishy work that NEEDS
to be done but the Govt is being too frugal to employ contractors to do
to "save" taxpayers money (but incur NSFs opportunity costs??!) I think
there were also umbrella parties i.e. soldiers who do nothing but carry
umbrellas for VIPs according to my hazy memories.

4) Getting farked by the regulars for their screw-ups
Like
any major operation by the SAF, screw-ups and cock-ups are quite
common. The less serious ones waste everyone’s time and effort. The
more serious ones claim NSF and NSmen and sometimes even regular
servicemen and women’s lives. Anyway, if your
sergeant/commander/warrant officer/officer/some-one with bars/crabs on
their shoulders ricebowls (i.e career progression) is dependent on them
doing their small part in the entire NDP machinery well, they will
verbally fark you, i.e. scold, threaten you with confinement, signing
extra, for mistakes/oversights that you (actually sometimes it’s
because they gave stupid instructions but it’s insubordination to talk
back to idiotic superiors in the SAF, right?) was suposed to have done
or not done?

5) It has lost its meaning
I used to watch
national day parades on television, but now I find them to be dull,
meaningless extravaganzas that epitomises what is so wrong about
Singapore. The artificiality of it all, with conscripts being forced to
participate without them having any ability to refuse to join in.
Parading of the $10.6 billion we have spent on national defence and
having schoolchildren prancing around to showcase the "unity" and
"patriotism" of the citizens all seems shallow in a country where
really you are just a digit in the economic miracle where more than
half of new jobs go to foreigners. Where we can spend many millions on
defence hardware and ministerial salaries but cannot keep 1 Mas Selamat
under custody and people from leaving our checkpoints with somebody
else’s passport? Where fireworks costing lots of $$$ can be burned off
in 1 night for the enjoyment of many but the Government baulks at
increasing public assistance by $30?

Majulah Singapura.

To date, I have received at least 3 emails asking me to do an expanded write-up on the Malay Vampires  entry that I did back in January. I didn’t know that it got so popular
till I saw it being passed around on social network bulletins.

Well
it is the weekend and I feel like having a break from the more serious
topics anyways so what the heck. Let’s meet the rest of the gang.

Orang Minyak (Scientific name: Hantuses Kualiness)

The previous series on Malay spooks dealt only with the blood sucking
creatures. There are plenty more ghouls in our culture that have taken
on a permanent cult status – some for very peculiar reasons. A good
example is the Orang Minyak.

“Orang Minyak” literally translates
as the “oil man” in Malay. It refers to a dark, faceless silhouetted
figure that roamed the streets of Malaya not too long ago. Some Malay
women actually find this dude erotic. I seriously do not know why but
it could be due to the fact that he never needs to use lubricants.

Technically
the Orang Minyak is not a ghost for it is very much a living man who
practises a form of black magic to attain superhuman powers. It does
not talk and it makes no noise when it walks – leaving only oily
footprints where it has been. There is no way you can listen out for
the Orang Minyak. It will just appear behind your shoulder when it
chooses to. Even right now as you’re reading this.

The Orang
Minyak has only one aim in mind – to rape virgin women (or virgin men,
if the Orang Minyak happens to be gay). It’s part of a perverted black
magic ritual. Legend has it that once a the twentieth rape victim has
been attained, the Orang Minyak would inherit celestial powers that
mortal men could only dream off including superhuman strength,
invisibility, and the ability to wrestle TV remotes from their wives.

The
Orang Minyak does not wear any clothes. He covers himself from head to
toe only in oil, but the more shy ones are known to wear a pair of
matching dark briefs or boxers. The colour the Orang Minyak is still
very much disputed. Some says he sports the golden tan of cooking oil
while others insist that he is drenched in crude black. Maybe he puts
on black oil on days that he feels fat.

The good news is that
the Orang Minyak has not been spotted for a very long time. Perhaps
there is not enough supply of virgins to go around between him and the Kum-kum. Or maybe he’s just afraid that some whiny kid would take his photo and post it on Stomp.

Countermeasure:
The Orang Minyak cannot come near a banana flower. No one knows for
sure why but he is known to run and whimper to his mummy the moment you
show him the forbidden flora. This is the reason why fathers in the
villages would often circle the bed of their daughters with petals of
the odd blossom. So ladies, the next time you want to ensure that your
date is not moonlighting in oil, try asking for a banana flower instead
of a rose.

The Penanggal (Scientific name: Singaporus flyus)

The
Penanggal is perhaps the pride and hallmark of Malay black magic like
no other. It is a head that has been dismembered from a freshly
deceased female corpse - and it flies. Yikes. As it streaks past the
sky, its only visible features are its blood-shot eyes and an endless
stream of blood dripping from the sever wound at its neck. And yes,
like all good Malay female ghosts, it laughs like a bitch.

But
despite its overwhelmingly menacing disposition, the Penanggal can do
little harm other than scaring you out of your knickers. It does not
think, only follows the commands of its master and it’s got about as
much brain cells as Paris Hilton. Think of it as a psychological weapon
sent to scare an enemy or anyone that you’re not happy with. Usually
used by a heartbroken male to disturb the wedding function of the girl
that rebuffed him. Talk about a weapon of mass distraction.

Creating
a Penanggal is easy work. Once fresh burials are available at the
cemetery, a Malay witch doctor would make its way and exhume a female
corpse to dismember its head. All it takes from there are mystical
chants and verses before the Penanggal takes flight and faithfully
obeys her master. If only all women were this obedient.

The
problem happens when the Penanggal is abandoned and its
spook-a-neighbour services are no longer needed. The lonely flying head
would then roam the earth endlessly, looking for a way to reunite with
her body. Until its find its rightful grave, the Penanggal will remain
in a perpetually bad mood, maiming anyone who stands in her path.
Verily, the Penanggal is proof that a woman does not need a vagina to
have PMS.

Countermeasure: The Penanggal keeps away from loud
noises. Any loud music will do but songs like “Your body is a
Wonderland” by John Meyer and “Touch My Body” by Mariah Carey are known
to piss her off a lot.

Hantu Raya (The scientists have no name for it yet)

Hantu
Rayas are the ghosts that appear just after the Muslim fasting month of
Ramadhan. They are loud, annoying, eat lots of titbits and stay at your
house for hours. Sometimes they like to be known as your relatives. (Ok
I made that up. Seriously, I have no idea what the Hantu Raya is but
you guys kept mentioning it. If you do know please leave a comment)

Pocong (Hantuses Stokinus)

Not many people know this but unlike many religions, Muslims do not
bury their dead in coffins. This is in accordance with the tradition of
our Prophet’s time where people bury their dead “to be one” with the
earth. This is regardless of your wealth and status – all Muslims are
made to rest accompanied by only his white burial shroud and his deeds
while on earth.

Before closing the grave, the body of the
deceased is tilted to the left and made to touch the wall of his final
resting place. The face of the deceased is revealed a little so that
his nose would be in contact with the earth in accordance with these
Islamic traditions.

But sometimes the geniuses at the funeral
forget to open up the burial shroud before putting the body in. That’s
when the fun starts. Like a huge terrestrial worm, the corpse would
reanimate out of its grave, looking for someone to help it open its
burial shroud at the face before it could return for a final rest. This
is the Pocong.

The Pocong is a sight to behold. Due to the fact
that its hands and feet are tied with the burial shroud, it is unable
to walk. Thus its only mode of mobility is to hop from one place to
another like a retard trapped in a giant sock.

Countermeasure:
Salt. Pretty much works the same way as to how you would stop a zombie.
You just sprinkle some in its direction and it will limp away like a
wiggling condom. I’m not sure if artificial flavouring alternatives
like Ajinomoto would work just as well but do let me know if you give
it a try. Or if you’re feeling brave and charitable at the same time,
you could just do the Pocong a favour by opening up the facial part of
the burial shroud. Hey, it could be pretty who knows?

Something that I’ve read a long time ago. I might just share this with the kids during class family time…though i may have to standby a dictionary next to me and the never ending questions hurled from them despite repeatedly explaining… then again,they  are just kids. Anyways…

Invictus is a short poem  by the British  poet William Ernest Henley. The title is Latin for "unconquered". It was first published in 1875. At the age of 12 Henley became a victim of tuberculosis of the bone. In spite of this, in 1867 he successfully passed the Oxford
local examination as a senior student. His diseased foot had to be
amputated directly below the knee; physicians announced the only way to
save his life was to amputate the other. Henley persevered and survived
with one foot intact. He was discharged in 1875, and was able to lead
an active life for nearly 30 years despite his disability. With an
artificial foot, he lived until the age of 54. "Invictus" was written
from a hospital bed.

The Poem

LTK: WKS, I have just one more question. If you gave an order that
MSK was to be in custody, and your orders are always followed, then how
did MSK escape? Why was he kept in the WDC, where security is not as
tight as Changi?

    WKS: MSK is a dangerous man. He was being held in WDC because–

LTK: That is not what you said, you said his detention under ISA Act is
necessary because Singapore would be in grave danger if there are
terrorist cells in Singapore.

    WKS: That’s correct.

LTK: Later on you said Singaporeans would be not be in immediate danger
when MSK escaped, I said "grave danger?" You said "is there another
kind?"–

    WKS: I recall what I said–

    LTK: I can find the 154th to read it back to you–

    WKS: I know what I said. I don’t have to have it read back to me like I’m–

    LTK: Then why the two contradictions? DPM?

    WKS: Sometimes poodles take matters into their own hands.

LTK: No, Sir. You made it clear a moment ago that your poodles never
take matters in to their own hands. Your poodles follow orders or you
lose your face. So MSK shouldn’t escaped at all, should he have, DPM?

    WKS: You snotty little bastard.

    NEH: MM, I’d like to ask for a recess!

    LTK: I’d like an answer to the question, MM.

    MM: The parliament will wait for an answer.

    LTK: If the ISD classify MSK as a top JI terrorist, then how did he manage escape, DPM?

    MBT: Object!

    LTK: And when it went bad, you took 4 hours to inform the public!–

    MM: LTK!

    LTK: DPM WKS, how did MSK escape or is he DEAD?!

    MM: You don’t have to answer that question!

    WKS: I’ll answer the question. You want answers?

    LTK: I think I’m entitled.

    WKS: You want answers?!

    LTK: I want the truth!

WKS: YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Son, we live in Singapore where the
Pappies are in power guarded by poodles at whatever the cost. Who’s
gonna do it? You?! You, Silvia?! I have a greater complacency than you
can possibly fathom. You want accountability and you curse the Pappies.
You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know:
that this fiasco, while tragic, probably saved us from the backlash
from the international community. And my existence, while grotesque and
incomprehensible to you, spins tales! You don’t want the truth because
deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me to
lie! You need me to con the world with my cock-and-bull story! We use
words like mee siam mai hum, fixing the oppositions, honest mistake. We
use these words as the backbone of a life spent conning the nation. You
use them as a punchline! I have neither the time nor the inclination to
explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the
very cushy wayang opposition job that I provide, and then questions the
manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said, "Thank
you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you order a bowl of
mee siam mai hum and hang around with CSJ. Either way, I don’t give a
damn what you think you are entitled to!

    LTK: Is MSK dead?

    WKS: I did the job I was sent to do–

    LTK: Is MSK dead?!

    WKS: YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT HE IS!!!

Great, another Pontianak photo is making its rounds over the email.

Thanks
for all the forwarded emails. I feel so privileged that some people
think of me when they need to forward a photo of a vampire.

For
the record, the Pontianak in the photo looks more like a piece of stray
white cloth that flew onto a pole. Well done. I believe you guys have
just been forwarding photos of someone’s laundry.

It seems that people have forgotten how a vampire looks like.

Pontianak (Scientific Name: Femallus Vampiruss)

Now
that’s a Pontianak. For the uninitiated, the Pontianak is the Southeast
Asian version of the female vampire. It’s supposedly the reanimated
body of someone who dies tragically as a result of giving birth. Out
only at night, the Pontianak defies gravity - flying from tree to tree
in search of an unsuspecting victim. They usually hide within the
branches of bigger trees or within banana plants, waiting patiently for
the right moment to ambush her meal. It’s easier to hang out near the
blood bank but somehow the Pontianak never listens.

No one knows
for sure what the deal is with those white dresses. Even if a pregnant
woman were to die in her bikini and her body dumped somewhere in a
drain, she will still come back to life with a flowing white dress. It
must be the only thing they sell back at wherever she comes from.

According
to the old folks, the Pontianak has the uncanny ability to disguise
herself as a very beautiful woman to lure men. She does that when
hanging in trees don’t quite produce results. The only give-away sign
that you are dealing with a vampire in disguise is the overpowering
stench of Frangipani flowers. Yes, she has a taste for cheap perfume.

Countermeasure:
Legend has it that the effective method to put down a Pontianak is to
drive a nail through the back of her head. That is, if you could even
get there in the first place. Once the nail is placed firmly, she will
then morph into a normal human being once again. She can even perform
everyday womanly tasks like cooking, cleaning, giving birth, bitching
about people, and having an incessant need to go shoe-shopping.

Today,
the Pontianak still terrorizes men in the more rural areas of the Malay
Archipelago. Sightings are still reported every now and then though I
still think it’s someone’s laundry. The irrational fear that people men
have about the Pontianak is testament to her prowess.

But there is one vampire that men would love to meet.

Hantu Tetek (Scientific Name: Mammarius Fantasticus)

The
Hantu Tetek is a vampire with assets that would put Pamela Anderson to
shame. Imagine the Pontianak with several kilograms of implants and you
will pretty much get the picture. The only difference is that instead
of a white flowing dress, she prefers going around scaring her victims
topless. Kinky!

Her preferred method of attack is to get your
face in between her huge udders and smothering you to death before
taking a bite. When it’s not fatal, victims are known to go into a deep
trance or a state of possession. There is a video on YouTube which
shows a girl reportedly being possessed by one. Some men in the rural
areas actually go out of their way to search for the Hantu Tetek. No
one knows for sure why. Perhaps it’s the only way they could lay their
hands on breasts without the hassle of a dinner and movie date.

Fortunately
(or unfortunately depending on your level of perversion), the Hantu
Tetek has not been sighted for a very long time. Perhaps she just got
fed up of men who treat her like a piece of dough.

Countermeasure:
Like any woman, she hates it when people stare there. So don’t piss her
off and she might just let you walk. The other way to appease the Hantu
Tetek is to promise her a pair of the latest La Senza Deep Plunge
Spring-Summer Collection. Ok I made that one up. But it’s worth giving
a try.

Kum-Kum (Scientific Name: Hantusus Ferringus)

Since
I’ve gone this far, I might as well document down the other Malay
vampire that most from the younger generation has not heard off. They
are still purportedly roaming the streets of Singapore. We are talking
about the Kum-Kum

Technically the Kum-Kum is a living vampire.
She is very much a normal human being with an avaricious desire to be
beautiful. But instead of stocking up on the latest cosmetics, she does
this by visiting the Bomoh (Malay witch-doctor) who inserts all manners
of items like gold and silver under the face of her skin. Now that’s an
extreme makeover.

But one of the rules when going through this
type of makeover is that one should never look at the mirror, else
certain disfigurements would befall onto the face. The only cure to
reverse these disfigurements would be to have a helping of a virgin
girl’s blood.

The Kum-Kum is often seen with an Arab-styled
Burqa to hide her scary imperfections. She usually goes out at night to
stalk unaccompanied young girls. Several years ago, there was a rumor
going around that a Kum-Kum was seen in the Bedok area knocking on
homes to check out the presence of young girls. But she probably left
after a while. Virgins are pretty hard to find these days after all.

According
to Malay folklore, there are several signs that a woman is a Kum-Kum.
She can’t say out any Islamic greetings fully, thus the name Kum-Kum –
stemming from her inability to say out the full breath of
“Assalamualaikum”.

Countermeasures: Mirror. Looking at one will
further degrade her imperfections and she would rather look for blood
elsewhere than to look at her reflections.

A woman who does not like to look at her reflection? Now that’s something you seldom get.

Ok..so its that time of the year again. The yearly carols echoing from the churches and bustling streets of Orchard Road, the throngs of shoppers jostling in the malls seemingly looking for somewhat that ideal Christmas gift, the regular Christmas songs played repeatedly over the air and once in a while the sight of Santa Claus in his big fiery red suit sweating it out with his perfectly rehearsed Ho-Ho-Ho’s. What can i say..one could never be left out admist this period of joyous celebration. So lets get back on track..i know the year’s coming to an end and there has been too many occasions where bickering and misunderstanding has taken place amongst all of us. Seriously i hate it-all these animosity, back-stabbing and free-riding shit is doing us no good except anger and self destruction. We all have our rights and wrongs. No doubt. But i;m sure and hope that when the new year ushers in, we are better able to understand and accept the differences and not lose sight of the bigger picture. Compromise’s the word. Thats right. Look it up in the dictionary. To all my friends and foes, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I’m sorry i have nothing to offer but the following "personalized" expression of what our true friendship bears all these years…

Dear Fucker!

You are my fucking friend,
And I hope you know thats fucking true.

No matter what the fuck happens,
I will stand the fuck by you.

I will fucking be there for you,
Whenever the fuck you need me.

To lend you a fuckin hand,

To do a fuckin good deed.

So just fuckin call on me,
Whenever the fuck you need anything.

Fuck I will always be there,
Even to the bitter fuckin end.

So once again, Take good care of your Fucking Self!!!

Friends (FUCKER) Forever !!!

you guys are always the best,not fucker!!
but a fucking gd fren~!

Yours Truly,
Aidil

These days, the distinction between runner and jogger, or even walker and runner, has been blurred to the point where it may be a distinction without a difference.  The word themselves carry historical definitions, but I think they are of very little use to us now.

Those of us who call ourselves runners know why we call ourselves runners, and not joggers.  Your reasons may be different, but I know I’m a runner, and here’s why…

I’m a runner because my runs have names.  I have tempo runs, and threshold runs, and fartlek runs.  I have long-slow runs.  I have track sessions.  I have hill sessions.  My runs are defined, even if I am not.

I am a runner because my shoes are equipment not fashion statements.  The best shoe for me is the one that makes me a better runner.  It’s the shoe that works with my foot strike.  It’s the shoe that controls my rate of pronation just the right amount, but not too much.  The best shoe for me is not one that goes well with my running outfit.

I am a runner because i don’t have running outfits.  I have technical shirts and shorts and socks.  I have apparel that enhances the experience of running while simultaneously contributing to my ability to run comfortably.  I have hot weather gear and cold weather gear.  I can say Coolmax and Gore-Tex in the same sentence and know which does what.  I won’t bore you with it here but I could.

I am a runner because i know what effort feels like, and i embrace it.  I know what a comfortable heart race is and the pace it yields.  I know when i am pushing the limits of my comfort and i know why I’m doing it.  I know that what i used to perceive as something to avoid, the pounding heart and heavy breathing, is a necessary component if i am to to become a better runner.

I am a runner because i know that the body that i have is the only body that i will ever have.  I know that i have to respect and value that body. I know that my body will whisper to me when I’ve done too much and that if i listen to that whisper my body won’t have to scream too hard in pain.

I am a runner because i am willing to lay it all on the line. I am willing to train for months with the knowledge that abject failure and sublime victory are two sides of the same coin. I know that every starting line has the potential to nourish me or destroy me. I know that every finish line has the potential to lift my spirits to new heights or devastate me.

I am a runner because i know that despite my best efforts i will always want more from myself. I will always want to know what my true limits are and that i will only know my limits when i exceed them and in this way find new limits. I will dream of greatness in the solitude of my mind and achieve that greatness with the soles of my feet.

I am a runner because i run. Not because i run fast. Not because i run far. I am a runner because i run. And by running, i continue to be a runner. In mind, body and soul.

The irony for me is that the times at which i am least like a runner are when i am running. It is when I’m running that i am forced to accept the sum of what I’ve been and what i am. It’s when I’m running that what i want to be most - a runner - seems so hard to achieve. Then you must face the unknown limits.

I am a runner because I say I am. And no one can tell me that I’m not.

Waddle on, friends.